Caring is Contagious: Positivity and Humanity present in the world today

So in case you aren’t aware, the world is spiralling down some crazy apocalyptic path, and we’re all locked indoors watching the seasons change through our living room windows. One side effect of this is that we are all spending a lot more time on our phones, and on social media. This can’t be helped. However, what can be helped, is the amount of negativity on our social media feeds.

Scrolling through my Facebook the other day, every other post was either a death toll, an angry political post, or negative rumours about pubs not opening again until January. As if being stuck inside wasn’t disheartening enough. So, whilst normally I would be adding to that pile of political crap, or telling you all about some atrocity somewhere – today I’m here in hopes to give you some good news.

Caring is Contagious: Positivity and Humanity in the world today

The Science of Happiness

First of all, let’s talk about why we should make the effort to keep our spirits up. Aside from the obvious – it’ll make us happy – remaining positive despite the shit show around is good for a few other reasons.

1. Happier people tend to feel healthier.
2. Happier people tend to be healthier.
3. Happier people tend to have healthier lifestyles
4. Happiness can boost your immune system
5. Happiness can reduce pain
6. Happiness can make time feel faster
7. Happiness can distract from other thoughts

Obviously, some of these we know. And some of them are fairly obvious. But genuine scientific research has proven connections between better blood pressure, better eating, less stress, less pain, and happiness.

Now by ‘happiness’ I don’t mean constantly feeling ecstatic, but instead aiming to think optimistically, to focus on the good things in our lives. And if you’re struggling to find good things at the moment, that’s where I come in. This article is going to be dedicated to trying to give you all reasons to smile.

Covid-19 Good News

Since the pandemic started, we as humans have shown our true colours. Whilst some people have been ransacking stores and stockpiling loo roll, the amount of selflessness out there has amazed all of us. And in case you haven’t heard about all of it, we’ll talk about it now.

The US and Canada

Our friends across the pond are struggling with Covid too (arguably more, due to their national leader being as intelligent as a dead pigeon with a toupe), and their responses are heart warming.

1. A group of young people in the states tarted a group called Invisible Hands. The group has been helping deliver groceries to vulnerable people and people in isolation. Over 72 hours the group gained 1300 volunteers.
2. The US are also seeing empty animal shelters for the first time ever, as people are getting lonely and want whatever company they can get.
3. Disneyland Florida are donating excess food to food banks to help people hit by the crisis
4. In Canada, a couple got married at home after having to downsize, and their neighbours celebrated from their cars and front gardens with them
5. Canadian air-line WestJet threw a mini graduation celebration on a flight for a group of passengers
6. In the Bronx, a Rabbi and his synagogue delivered pizza to people isolating
7. U-Haul are giving out 30 days free storage to students and people struck by the pandemic
8. Burger King are giving 2 free kids meals out with each order
9. MGM resorts have donated 48,000 lbs of food
10. UberEats have given out 300,000 meals to first responders
11. In California, a musician used his truck bed to perform a street concert around his neighbourhood
12. 20,000 wifi devices have been donated to hospitals to allow patients to facetime family
13. UC Berkeley is offering their Science of Happiness course for free online
14. A group of teens started Joy4All, a service for seniors, where they can phone in to hear stories, jokes and messages of hope

The UK

1. ClapForTheNHS has seen community spirit grow, as people clap until their hands are sore on Thursday evenings, to applaud the NHS and everyone working their hardest to get us through this
2. 1,000+ volunteer groups have been set up across the nation
3. Tens of thousands of people have been shopping for their neighbours and elderly/vulnerable family
4. Rainbows have appeared in windows across the country, in an endeavour to lighten the mood
5. 3 grandmas who moved in together for isolation have gone viral as the coronavirus golden girls
6. Charlotte Bradael, from Newcastle, is sending out personalised videos to children dressed as Rapunzel (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-tyne-51966778/coronavirus-disney-princess-videos-spread-positivity-to-children)
7. The BBC has set up a celebrity led virtual school, featuring Sir David Attenborough, Danny Dyer, Jodie Whittaker and Liam Payne
8. Feeling Strong distributed over 1000 food parcels, and set up video chat services for people needing mental health help
9. A corner shop in Scotland gave out free Covid kits
10. BrewGooder have donated beer to NHS workers
11. Guinness have pledged 1,000,000 pounds to help bartenders
12. Joe Wicks’ videos on YouTube have gone viral, helping people stay fit (although they may have crippled me when I tried…)
13.  Universities across the nation have implemented various No Detriment policies to help students achieve without hurting their grades
14. For the first time in 240 years, white-tailed eagles have flown over us
15. LEGO has been using factories to make plastic masks, and has donated over 500,000 brick sets
16. Dyson has designed ventilators
17. Veteran Tom Moore raised millions and millions for the NHS
18. The website YourCustomersThankYou has allowed people to thank grocery store workers
19. A London based choir has raised £30k to help domestic abuse victims

Globally

1. IKEA has made 50,000 N95 masks and sent them to hospitals
2. A Chinese tech company has sent tens of thousands of respirators to Italian hospitals
3. Spain and Italy have also participated in claps for their frontline workers
4. A Spanish neighborhood sung happy birthday to an 84 year old through her window
5. Italy and Spain have seen communities singing together from balconies and windows

 

Other Good News

In other news, we have some more fun and funky stories:

1. A reanalysis of NASA old data has possibly found an habitable and Earth-sized planet
2. An organisation called Treedom are fighting the effects of carbon offsetting
3. CRISPR (a gene editing technique) has been used to find a possible cure for blindness
4. A potential universal flu vaccine has successfully passed another set of trials
5. Science has invented contact lenses which tackle red-green colourblindness
6. There are 76 solutions available right now for climate change
7. John Krasinksi (actor from The Office) has been recording Good News videos from his home in the States. The other week he featured a young girl who had worked hard to raise money for a Covid charity and surprised her with a Zoom concert from the cast of Hamilton

So just keep swimming.

Self Care

Whilst just trying to remain positive helps, so does actually looking after yourself. Make sure you’re getting enough rest, eating well, and doing as much as you can to relax. Don’t listen to all the warriors online saying you have to use this time to write a novel, or decorate your home, or do anything, really. This time is weird. It’s unprecedented, and you’re allowed to not like it, and subsequently to not do anything.

If you need help to relax, try reading this post by Emily Gabriella: https://emilygabriella.co.uk/2020/04/19/ways-to-relax-during-lockdown/

I know this may not all help. But hopefully at least one of these stories will bring a smile to your face. The world is tough at the moment, but we can get through it together. So smile, and make others smile, because that’s all we can do sometimes.

Caring is contagious. Try it.

 

And I’ll resume regular angsty programming soon. Keep your chin up.

Give Us Our Money Back

I moved miles away from everything familiar, to make my parents proud. I moved miles away from my favourite people, my childhood, my memories, my family, to succeed. I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I knew there’d be struggles. I knew that I’d lose friends, but I also knew I’d gain new ones. I knew that I’d be at the bottom of my bank for the foreseeable, but that I’d be having the most fun I’d ever have.

And don’t get me wrong – I have made some of the best friends I will ever have. I have met somebody who makes me feel like the world isn’t on its way to the end. I have learnt so much about myself, and how to live alone, and how to love.

But do you know what I haven’t learnt?

Countless weeks of my second year of university.

I am at the bottom of my bank account due to ridiculous student rent prices that I pay in order to live near enough to my university. And yet, between the two strikes this academic year, I have lost something close to 9 weeks of contact time. I pay 9,250 pounds a year (or rather, will do in debt) to be taught by academics in my area of choice, so that I can better my life and gain a qualification. I am in the second year of my course – meaning that anything I am assessed on during this year will affect my overall degree. Which will subsequently affect everything I choose to do following university. I truly pity those in the year above me, who have had to attempt to write dissertations; the biggest, most important piece of writing they will potentially ever had to do – alone.

When you look to go to universities, you look around each one, you scour their website to make sure it’s a nice place, a nice course, with staff and lecturers who are going to give you the right amount of support for you to be able to grow as a person, and an academic. And due to the strikes that have happened this academic year – that support has simply not been there.

I am by no means blaming the lecturers. I understand wholeheartedly that the reasons for striking were important, and that they deserve the equality and respect they picketed for.

But similarly, I deserve the lectures and the education I paid for.

 

if you agree, please sign here: https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/300528

it might work. i hope it does.

 

Cult + Time = Religion?: The Science and Pseudoscience of Cults

What are cults? 

Good question, right.

The answer is complicated.

Sociologists and psychologists have debated – and will continue to – over this. Some reckon that they can pinpoint a cult on sight, and that there are key characteristics that make an organisation a cult. Others think that the term ‘cult’ is meaningless, and that we only label New Religious Movements cults because of classist and other prejudiced views.

The dictionary definitions vary, with some referencing cult followings to things such as A Clockwork Orange, to definitions which fit the type of cult we’re talking about here. The best definition I found was:

a social group that is defined by its unusual religious, spiritual or philosophical beliefs or by its common interest in a group, individual or goal

This goes in line with Robert Jay Lifton’s analysis of cults, wherein he labels the three key characteristics: a charismatic leader, a process of indoctrination, and exploitation of the individuals involved. On top of those three characteristics, other people have laid out the basis, if you will, needed to form a cult. You need the three things Lifton lists, as well as an undying belief that the leader is always correct, a fear of the outside world, absolute authoritarianism, zero tolerance for ‘misbehaviour’, a false belief that there is no valid reason to leave, followed by a belief that anybody who does leave is evil. However, the definition is also very vague, and could be interpreted to fit organisations such as religions – which is why people like J Gordon resent the use of the term ‘cult’.

To some extent, I get it. A lot of cults are New Religious Movements that turn sour, and a lot of religions were once called cults when they began – just look at Scientology. (Although I will need some convincing that it is not just a weird rich alien cult.) Whilst some people reckon you know a cult when you see one, we see them from the outside – and so there’s always the question of why are we labelling it a cult? Is it a judgement call that we’re making? If so, why? Obviously if people are in danger, then that judgement call is valid. But sometimes claims that groups are cults are unwarranted – in the same way some cults are socially acceptable. Take Freemasons as an example. We all know that Freemasonry is still around, but they don’t appear to take advantage of their members, and a lot of them give to charity. So we let them get on with it.

Maybe it isn’t a question of are cults different to religions, or what is a cult, maybe they’re all cults and it’s a question of good versus bad.

Personally, I see cults and religions like a weird Venn diagram. Some cults try to be new religions, and some religions are a bit too cult like.  There is a fine line between the two, and it is entirely dependent on the people in the group. If they accept complete authoritarian rule from the group, can see no wrong in anything the group does, or are endangering themselves unknowingly, then it’s time to consider the dangerous nature of their situation.

Cults in the past

The Rajneesh Movement 

The Rajneesh Movement was a cult that got most of its attention from the 70s to the 80s. Led by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh (aka Osho) in Ohio, the cult despised traditional values and was known for violence against women. Whilst it had some basis in Hindu beliefs, Osho combined this with corporate strategies and sex. The cult is still present in a smaller degree in some Asian countries, but in Western areas it is predominantly gone after what happened with Rajneeshpuram.

Rajneeshpuram was a commune set up by Osho with 2,000 residents. The commune instantly became an issue when it started trying to absorb neighbouring towns such as Antelope, and then when it became tied to cases of bioterror and murder. The final straw was when the commune was bombed by a Pakistan organisation due to its ties to India.

Overall the cult wasn’t harmful to its members, although some of them were incarcerated. But its potential to harm those outside of its membership was huge.

NXIVM 

NXIVM was technically a marketing company in the USA. Led by a man named Keith Raniere, the business attracted attention when its training was revealed to be so secret that people were made to sign NDAs. Eventually, after investigations and trials, Raniere and the company were found to be a sex cult pyramid scheme, with girls being recruited as slaves and forced into sex with Keith.

Charles Manson and the Manson Family 

As you likely know, Mason set up a cult commune with his ‘family’ in Calfornia. He, along with his miconceptions of Beatles music, led his followers to commit murders in the attempt to start a Helter Skelter (a race war).

Aum Shrinkiyo 

Aum Shrinkiyo was a Japanese doomsday cult.

It mixed Buddhism and apocalyptism, and essentially indoctrinated its followers to believe if they weren’t in the cult, they wouldn’t survive the oncoming apocalypse.

Similar to Rajneesh, this cult did not harm its own members, but the members were involved in a deadly sarin attack on Tokyo subways. This led to imprisonment and punishment of many of them.

Branch Davidians 

An of shoot of an of shoot, Branch Davidians come from Davidian Seventh Day Adventist Church. Unsurprisingly, they were based in Texas.

A rather famous cult, the Davidian’s were preparing for the 2nd coming when the Waco Siege occurred. This was a 51-day stand-off with American feds, who wanted to search the grounds after illegal weapons and sexual assault charges had been made. Early in the 51 days, 19 children were released without their parents – many of whom proved the sexual assault charges to be true.

The seige ended in the property burning down, and 76 Davidians died because of it.

The cult still exists, but in a different form.

The Family 

Previously known as Children of God and Family of Love, The Family’s scripture involves salvation, apocalyptism and distrust of ‘The System’. They’re known for using Flirty Fishing as a method of conversion, and love bombing new members.

They began by setting up communes, or ‘homes’, for members, and after a few years had 130 communes.

Whilst relatively harmless, there has been several allegations towards the group. However in a UK trial in the last decade they were deemed safe for children once again, as long as previous leader David Berg’s corporal punishments were ignored.

notable members: Joaquin Phoenix (previously).

The People’s Temple 

I won’t go into detail. We all know about Jim Jones and Jonestown. A civil rights pastor with a taste for communist builds a commune and it turns sour. He was responsible for a disgusting amount of deaths and is the reason that there are anti-cult organisations.

But it’s not all in the past… 

Raëlism

An example of a modern-day cult (and a harmless, pretty rad cult) is Raelism. Their main focus is feminism, freedom of sexuality, birth control, masturbation, orgasms and cloning.

Whilst at first glance their logo appears to be a swastika in a Star of David, the leaders have an explanation. According to them, an extra-terrestrial visited and showed them it, saying that the triangles mean ‘as above, so below’ and the swastika means ‘all is cyclic in infinite time’. Overall, the diagram means ‘choice between paradise which the peaceful use of science makes possible, and the hell of returning to the primitive stage where humanity submits to nature rather than dominating and benefitting from it’.

Raelism focusses on the return of Elohim, an extra-terrestrial of sorts, to Earth. However they have also been involved in a plethora of pro-sexuality, pro-equal rights movements, and have had a constant battle – particularly in France – with the clergy regarding sexual assault in church.

The Brethren 

The Exclusive Brethren, or the Plymouth Brethren, are a cult which base their doctrine on the teachings of John Nelson Darby and the Bible. There’s not formal leadership, and meetings are often called ‘Brother’s Meetings’. There are variants of this, as the cult split in the mid-19th century.

The main and only criticism of the Brethren has been that they attempt to control too much of their members lives.

The Freemasons 

Freemasonry is a cult which has been around for a long time. The basic local unit for a Freemason is the Lodge, and each Lodge does not necessarily recognise each other. Modern Freemasonry stresses that each member must believe in a supreme being, and that no women may join (although there are female lodgers). The discussion of religion and politics is banned.

The Science of Cults 

As I mentioned at the start, sociologists and psychologists have studied cults for a while and are at no better understanding of what makes one, really. Although they have come to agreement on what makes someone likely to join a cult, or susceptible to victimisation from a cult:

1. someone stressed
2. someone emotionally vulnerable
3. someone lonely
4. someone who has been abused

They have also narrowed the ‘brainwashing’ aspect of the cult down to three steps. The first, is finding the right target. The second, is love-bombing. This involved showering the newcomer in gifts, compliments, and good times.  The next step is keeping control. This is done by ensuring there is no legitimate reason to leave, which often involves the individual cutting off the outside world, and the leaders demonising everything other than the cult and the people within it. This way they can control what their members see, what they experience, and subsequently, what they think.

So are cults just new, weird, dangerous religions? 

Honestly, kinda.

In abstract, on paper, they are the same. They are a group of people blindly trusting in a leader, trusting in the teachings that leader gives, and not believing anything outside of those teachings.

However, some cults go sour. Some cults turn into Jonestown.

Having said that, some religions breed extremism. Some religions turn into terrorism.

And the ideal person for a cult leader to convert is very similar to the stages in peoples live’s when they find religion.

Having said that, both cults and religions can be okay. If they are not abusing their power, or hurting anyone within or outside of their organisation, then who are we to stop them. If everyone within the group is consenting to everything that they are asked to do, and is aware of the repercussions of what happens, and nobody is in harms way, we are in no place to stop anybody.

So ultimately, my verdict is cult + time probably does = religion. Again, look at scientology. But if that religion, or that cult, is not going to tell all its followers to kill someone, or that leader isn’t going to take advantage of the young boys that come to church each Sunday, then nobody needs to stop them. Just because something is labelled a cult doesn’t automatically mean it’s evil.

Earlier I mentioned cult followings and happened to name a very horrid piece of media with it. But, anything can have cult followings. We need to stop associating the word cult with bad, and just make sure that anyone, in any organisation, is not in danger.

After all, even My Little Pony has a cult following.

 

The Wrong Kind of Summer Camp: How the USA is Ignoring History (and basic decency)

If you aren’t already aware, the USA is currently dealing with an immigration crisis (as are many nations) wherein it has reached an outstanding level of refugees and immigrants attempting to enter the country. This is not new, the immigration statistics have been high for a while. Obama and his predecessor have had to fight this battle too. However, they appeared to have done a slightly better job than the current man in charge: Donald Trump.

In America, as you read this, children are being overcrowded into cinderblock cells, separated by wire fences, kept away from their families. Sick children are being placed into a padded cell with 40 others, without a toilet and basic facilities. Teenagers are being made to care for younger children they do not know.

An image taken from above a detainee camp; from https://mobile.reuters.com/news/picture/us-border-patrol-migrant-camp-from-above-idUSRTS2HV7C/1387815192

‘Trump says without borders you don’t have a country. But without human rights, you don’t have humanity.’

In short, as historians and US journalists have said, the US are currently using concentration camps.

Many people, upon reading such allegations, deny it. They refuse to admit that the ‘leading nation’ of the world is doing anything remotely similar to what Hitler and the Nazis did in World War II. But by definition, they are. The issue here is, people are confusing definition with connotation. They are not saying that what the border camps are is good, but because they associate the term ‘concentration camp’ with Nazi Germany and a genocide taught globally, they cannot grasp how this can be labeled under the same term.

In reality, the definition of a concentration camp is:

‘a place in which large numbers of people, especially political prisoners or members of persecuted minorities, are deliberately imprisoned in a relatively small area with inadequate facilities,’

there are various other definitions of the term, but they all fit the situation at the southern border. ICE and Border Patrol, under Trump’s administration, are holding surplus people (mainly children) in subpar conditions. I am aware of the hypocrisy of a Brit writing an article about how these camps are bad, considering the history of my nation (for those unaware, we are evil. Pure evil).

*Britain has utilised concentration camps against/in: (not an exhaustive list)

• Prisoners of War in the 2nd Boer War
• Jews, to stop their entry to Palestine post-WWII
• Irish
• Refugees
• Nazi sympathisers
• Kenya
• Northern Ireland
• Scotland
• South Africa
• Wales

Three of those are included in the United Kingdom. See, pure evil. The British Empire was not a good thing.

The reasons, if you can’t figure it out on your own, that these camps are bad, relate to human rights, and disease. Put too many people in any space, and a large chunk of them are going to develop various illnesses. Combine this with the inability to receive adequate care, and a large number of the detainees will die. On top of this, it is explicitly against 10 different Human Rights articles. 11 if the camps are using torture.

Torture is defined by the UN as:

“any act by which severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, is intentionally inflicted on a person for such purposes as obtaining from him or a third person information or a confession, punishing him for an act he or a third person has committed or is suspected of having committed, or intimidating or coercing him or a third person, or for any reason based on discrimination of any kind,”

After reading this article, and any others that I’ll list at the end, you can decide for yourself if it is 10 or 11.

But, the US’s immigration numbers are high and they have no alternative!

Wrong.

According to government sites, the US’s immigration population was roughly 44.5 million in 2017. That equates to 13.6% of the population (coincidentally, roughly the same as the UK). These immigrants are mainly in California (10.7 million), Texas (4.9 million, and New York (4.5 million). They make up 17% of the workforce. 78% of them speak only English at home. In 2018, 22,491 of these were refugees. In more recent years, the majority of immigrants moving to the US are from the East, from Asian nations, followed closely by Latinx immigrants. A large number of immigrants are now also moving with high levels of education (bachelor’s degree or higher).

The number of immigrants in the US now is not the highest it has ever been. That was in 1870 when 14.8% of the population were immigrants. Additionally, Trump has actually reduced the number of refugees that the US will take in by over half, dropping from the 11,000 Obama promised to 45,000 this year.

Previous administrations have used alternatives to detaining immigrants, as VOX discuss. Alternatives have included community monitoring systems, wherein the families are assigned a social worker by a non-profit organisation, and are helped through adjustment into the US. They are closely watched after, and given dates to appear in court. When this was used, it was extremely successful, with above 90% of the immigrants attending court dates. Another alternative is electronic monitoring using ankle bracelets, which again, had high success rates. Even better, these methods save the US money. It costs $4.50 per person per day for the alternative methods, compared to an astonishing $133.99 per person per day for camps, and even more for tent cities.

Looking at these statistics, it begins to beg the question: why are we caging children, then?

Well for one, Trump axed one of the alternative methods. Two, some people believe the alternative methods did not result in enough deportations for officials to be content with their efficiency. Three, it is possible that the overcrowding of camps is being used to put immigrants and asylum seekers off, preventing the influx of people into the southern border.

We can never be entirely sure if these reasons are legitimate. But with some of the allegations and rumours being spread around, all signs suggest that it is a mix of some legitimate economic and political reasons in addition to personal prejudices of those in charge. I say this because of the rumours; such as one prisoner being made to wear a humiliating sign which read “me gustan los hombres” or “I love men”, and the quite frankly hideous groupchat that was found between official Border Patrol agents, which featured derogatory terms (‘guats’, ‘wild ass shitbags’, ‘beaners’, ‘subhuman’) and pictures of female members of congress performing sexual acts to detainees. And it is not like Trump and his administration are known for being unbiased and fair at all times. Reminder, this is the man who pestered the previous president for his birth certificate due to the colour of his skin.

An image taken from above a detainee camp; from https://mobile.reuters.com/news/picture/us-border-patrol-migrant-camp-from-above-idUSRTS2HV7C/1387815192

Horrors worse than a Stephen King novel

If you don’t like hearing the gruesome truths of present-day monstrosities, stop reading.

This post took me a week and a half to research for, there is so much material on this. And yet, so few people in this country know what’s happening in the nation we’re potentially going to rely on after Brexit. So let me start telling you.

I’ll start by saying, over the last 10 years of border control, no children have died under the care of border patrol or ICE in the US. In the last year, 7 children have. These 7 are just a fraction of the 24 migrants who have died in ICE care while Trump has been in power. This death toll does not include those who died upon release. It is no surprise people are dying, considering the squalor they are being made to live in. Some camps have as many as 900 people in sites built for 125. They’re cramming 155 detainees into cells built to hold 35 people, pressing them into each other like human cargo. When disease inevitably spreads among the migrants, they are separated from the main crowds. Not to be given expert attention, of course. In fact, in the camps holding children (like Clint, Texas), the diseased children are being crammed into another cinderblock cell, which is also overcrowded, without so much as even a toilet.

Journalists who visited some of the sites, namely Clint, have seen evidence of lice infestations. While this is not only uncomfortable for the detainees, lice are a leading cause of typhus. There have also been numerous cases of scabies, and shingles within the centers. Interviews with detainees have revealed that the water is not clean and that glasses are left with thick sediment lining them; it has also emerged that the food provided is often out of date or undercooked. Some cells had evidence of self-harm and suicide within them. One journalist described the sight as a ‘human dog pound’.

In the sites with only children, reports state their clothes (when wearing them) are caked in snot, tears, and excrement. Older juveniles are being made to care for babies they don’t know, as the ICE and border patrol agents cannot. Many babies and infants are without diapers, or have a diaper and a t-shirt only, despite being made to withstand incredibly warm and incredibly cold temperatures. Some sources have reported cells as warm as 101 degrees Fahrenheit (or 38 degrees celsius), packed with young boys. These conditions are appalling, and the children are legally only allowed to be kept within these detention centers for a maximum of 72 hours, but some children have been there for several weeks.

Some papers in the US have spoken to parents or relatives of the separated children. One father discussed his two epileptic sons who needed their medications every day to help prevent potentially lethal seizures, and how he was denied contact. Another mother spoke about how the border control agents took all of her baby care belongings, including her child’s medication.

On top of all of this, there are reports of toddlers being made to self represent at immigration hearings, says Amnesty Org. And while the US Supreme Court has given the Trump Administration a deadline by which to free and reunite the families in these camps, ICE and Border Patrol are excluding from this deadline any parents they have deported (which accounts for a high percentage), and are only reuniting those ‘eligible’ for such action. Who knows how many of the 3000 children will actually be paired with their families by the July deadline.

What can we do about this?

There is a myriad of charities and non-profit organisations that are helping the detainees and providing funding. Even Elon Musk is helping this situation. And if you can’t donate, just spread awareness of this. Make sure it’s known. Because they can’t progress, they can’t make it worse with 7 billion eyes on them.

Here are some of the charities helping:

• RAICES – https://www.raicestexas.org/
• Project Corazon – https://www.lawyersforgoodgovernment.org/project-corazon
• Border Angels – https://www.borderangels.org/
• KIND – https://supportkind.org/
• ActBlue – https://secure.actblue.com/
• ACLU – https://www.aclu.org
• Florence Project – https://firrp.org/

My info, and more info:

I can’t write 6,000 words on this without repeating or stealing from other writers. So I figured 2,000 would do, and I’ll give you the links to the other 6,000+ out there.

• https://news.vice.com/en_us/article/3k3jd3/the-trump-administration-has-let-24-people-die-in-ice-custody
• https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/06/17/key-findings-about-u-s-immigrants/
• https://www.un.org/documents/ga/res/39/a39r046.htm
• https://libcom.org/library/pow-camps-bermuda-during-boer-war
• https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2019/6/25/18715725/children-border-detention-kids-cages-immigration
• https://www.vox.com/2019/7/4/20681298/trump-migrant-detention-camps-alternatives
• https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/26/us/migrant-children-border-clint-texas.html
• https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/07/06/us/migrants-border-patrol-clint.html
• https://www.commondreams.org/news/2019/07/05/alleged-abuse-us-border-guards-who-forced-detained-migrant-wear-humiliating-sign
• https://mobile.reuters.com/news/picture/us-border-patrol-migrant-camp-from-above-idUSRTS2HV7C/1387815192
• https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2019/07/border-facilities/593239/
• https://www.newyorker.com/
• news/our-columnists/the-unimaginable-reality-of-american-concentration-camps
• https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/07/23/alexandria-ocasio-cortezs-historic-win-and-the-future-of-the-democratic-party
• https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a27813648/concentration-camps-southern-border-migrant-detention-facilities-trump/
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_concentration_and_internment_camps
• https://www.cnbc.com/2019/06/26/how-to-donate-to-help-migrant-children-at-the-border.html
• https://www.cnbc.com/2019/06/25/house-passes-emergency-border-bill-amid-concerns-about-migrant-children.html
• https://www.cnbc.com/2018/06/1
• 9/elon-musk-tweets-about-migrant-kids-separated-from-parents-under-trump.html
• https://www.un.org/en/universal-declaration-human-rights/
• https://www.propublica.org/article/secret-border-patrol-facebook-group-agents-joke-about-migrant-deaths-post-sexist-memes

Mental Health: Our Not-So-Beautiful Brains

Hello. It’s been a while, huh? Well, after my last post didn’t do all that great, and was a little short, I wanted to come back with a punch. Hence today’s topic: Mental Health. Now this topic is, without doubt, sensitive and very triggering. There will be mentions of various mental health issues, as well as the consequences of some of them, including losing people to mental health. For anyone who cannot bring themselves to read about that, I understand, and I wish you nothing but the best, but I’d leave this article now, probably.

So let’s begin.

In this post, I want to tackle as best I can, the following issues: mental health stigma, mental health in media, mental health education, my own mental health, as well as others’ stories and other conditions. The reason I want to talk about this is similar to my first article: Body Positivity and The Implausible Task of Self Love; whilst we as a society are becoming better at talking about it – we still aren’t good enough. Additionally, I’ve had countless friends, family and just people in my life, whose mental health has been an antagonist they have had to fight every day of their lives. It is a vicious and horrible thing, and yet it is still romanticized, mocked, and pushed aside. Enough is enough. I refuse to stand by as my friends feel they cannot speak up because they’ll be seen as weak. I refuse to stand by as the people I love feel less than because they rely on medication or therapy. And I cannot do much about it, as a nineteen year old student. But what I can do (well, ish.) is write.

Me, myself and crying.

I debated this topic for a while. For the sole reason of the fear that came with writing this paragraph. Anyone who knows me well knows, without a doubt, that girls got issues. But some of this is stuff that I don’t talk about. Stuff I don’t really want to talk about. But in the in spirit of honesty, to accompany the honesty of those I interviewed for this article, I will.

Officially, I have no mental health issues.

I have never been diagnosed formally. This then leads many people to disregard everything I am about to say. Including myself, actually. Because my issues can’t be that important, because I’m not that important…

Issue number one: I have literally no self-worth. This leads to a lot of unhealthy behaviours when it comes to relationships and friendships, and I often have to remind myself that I do deserve better when somebody mistreats me.

Issue two: I am basically always anxious. And I don’t mean, a little nervous. I mean, my brain never works at anything less than a thousand miles per hour. I struggle to fall asleep because my brain won’t turn off. I over think every single thing I do every day. I get unreasonably paranoid about everything around me. I cannot imagine how annoying it is for my boyfriend and friends when I ask for a fourth time that day: ‘you don’t hate me, right?’. This also means that I’m naturally quite jealous too. Sorry Bill. But it isn’t just with my boyfriend that this becomes a problem. My closest friends, when they hang out without me or with other people, my brain automatically assumes either, they hate me, or they’re going to bitch about me (yes, I know, my narcissism is through the damn roof). On top of all that, occasionally I get hit with these lovely things called panic attacks. My breath shortens, my world collapses, my sight blurs, my heart speeds up, my body shakes, and everything feels like it’s going to end. And then it doesn’t.

As if that wasn’t all enough, I also have this really cool issue wherein I cannot handle stress. And I mean, at all. A-levels damn near killed me, and all of my friendships. I became so irritable, so isolated, so snappy, that I don’t know how I came through with as many people by my side as I did. This lack of ability to deal with stress makes the anxiety worse, as I legitimately fear stress. So at any sign of academic or emotional stress, I freak out and try to avoid it. Which ends up in me avoiding opportunities and pushing people away. Not something I want to do, as a relatively social and determined person.

Now to many people, without official diagnoses, this is all just stuff I should get over. Which is something I would love to do. Something I have tried to do. Referred to therapy in sixth form, I tried to talk through all of my issues… and then the therapist quit. Referred to therapy in university, and all of my anxiety got labelled as grief over a recent family death, and I got told to mourn and then I would be A OK. I want to fix whatever is happening in my brain, if not for myself, for everyone around me. But the anxiety gets in the way of its own cure. Going to the doctors seems simple enough until my low self-worth tells me I’d be wasting their time, and this stresses me out. Which then I can’t handle. And so on. And so on.

In terms of dealing with all of this. Well, I kinda, don’t. I should, and this article is partly myself pushing myself to deal with it. But currently, my coping mechanisms are largely carbs, sleep, and keeping busy. Which is not sustainable.

I know I have a support network of friends, family, and the internet, around me. Something I am eternally grateful for, and something I will always use. But hopefully one day, I won’t need to rely on it as much. Many people, like myself, feel they have mental health issues but are worried or not confident enough to visit a GP about it (43.4% of adults, to be specific). If that is you, I see you. I’m not going to be a hypocrite and tell you to book that appointment now. But I am going to say that there will be someone around you who cares, and will help. If that makes you feel like a burden, then later in this post there will be a list of charities, which may be able to help you with whatever it may be that you’re fighting against. It’ll be okay.

Narcissism over; let’s talk about everybody else

I decided I’d talk through each ‘mainstream’ mental health disorder, as it were, and with some of them, discuss what issues and struggles people I interviewed have with each one. We’ll start with the most infamous and well-known:

Depression

Depression is a disorder commonly associated with being ‘sad’. Its main symptoms are as follows (according to the NHS):

• continuous low mood or sadness
• low self-esteem
• hopelessness & helplessness
• low libido
• guilt
• irritability & intolerance
• aches
• lack of motivation & interest
• appetite changes
• difficulty in making decisions
• sleeping problems
• anxiety
• suicidal thoughts
• thoughts of harming oneself

It can be categorised as mild, moderate or severe, and can also be linked to the seasons (SAD – Seasonal Affective Disorder) or hormones (post-natal). If someone is diagnosed with severe depression, they may experience psychosis, wherein they suffer from delusions, hallucinations, psychomotor agitation or psychomotor retardation (slow movements). It is caused by social, genetic and chemical changes, and presents itself different in every person who suffers from it. Generally, treatment includes Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, medication, talking therapies or lifestyle changes – dependent on the patient and the severity of the disorder. When discussing depression with the people I interviewed, the general treatment would appear to be medication. This was, however, the only generalisation I could make.

Some people I spoke to said that they felt worthless, some felt consistently miserable, and others felt apathetic and numb. Each person handled their depression differently – some people took meds, some went to therapy, some endeavoured to ignore their struggles and tried to push through it, others drank too much, others self harmed. Every person described their illness and the fight they have with it uniquely.

I am not here to say which is the best coping mechanism, but I would like to say that if anyone reading this uses the latter form, please seek help. 

If everybody’s experiences differ, it makes supporting and educating people about mental health very difficult. Difficult,but not impossible. What some people seem to not grasp is that, whilst difficult, it is something that deserves our effort. It is something that, done correctly, could save lives. And it is something that we need to try harder at. Because ultimately those people suffering deserve our effort.

Anxiety

Anxiety is commonly associated with nerves, or the feeling of being nervous. In reality, it is much more than that; the official symptoms are:

• tiredness
• palpitations
• restlessness
• dread
• muscle aches
• pins & needles
• on edge
• sweating
• dry mouth
• difficulty concentrating
• shortness of breath
• irritability
• dizziness

It is treated by medication, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, or applied relaxation, as well as lifestyle changes and awareness of triggers. Many of the people I spoke to who felt anxiety were on medication to handle their condition. One person mentioned the side effects of her medication, and how it leads her to become quite forgetful, which occasionally leads to problems in her personal life. Some of the people I spoke to had tried therapy, either through their GP (CBT), or through services such as NSPCC or CAHMS. One person spoke about her discharge from CAHMS when she reached the age of 17 (as it is a children’s service), and how she still has issues years later. Many of them also spoke about how their disorder affects them daily, be it the inability to do ‘basic’ tasks such as answer a phone, or the fact that they isolate themselves for fear of being an ‘inconvenience’. One man spoke about how his anxiety is bad at work, especially if it gets busy, and that to calm down he sometimes has to disappear off to the toilet or his office and have a moment to himself. Seemingly everybody who struggles with anxiety described a sense of over thinking or nervousness on a regular basis. A few people said that they have other conditions (speech impediments, physical disabilities, learning difficulties) which exacerbate their anxiety.

A condition that affects thousands of people in their daily lives, and yet it is still too often dismissed as a character trait or ‘nerves’. It’s a disorder I see around me on a regular basis, and when in school, many of my friends struggled with anxiety. It was not a rare occurrence to have to coach someone through a panic attack multiple times in one day. Once again, we as a society need to do better in helping those who are fighting this battle.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Borderline Personality Disorder is a mental health condition that is characterised by emotional instability, disturbed patterns of thinking, impulsive behaviour and intense (sometimes unstable) personal relationships. It is not 100% clear what the cause of BPD is, however there are suggestions that it is a chemical imbalance, genetic, or that it can be caused by trauma or other environmental triggers. It is generally treated through a community approach to mental health help, a care programme, psychotherapy, or meds. Less popular in the media, BPD is a disorder that is often mistaken for depression and anxiety, but is slightly different. A person with BPD will feel everything very intensely, and can have many mood swings in a short space of time. Their sense of attachment is incredibly intense, and they rely on those around them for validation quite often. The only place I have ever seen BPD accurately depicted is Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, wherein (spoiler) Rebecca Bunch, the protagonist, suffers with BPD. Out of the 43.4% of people who believe they have mental health issues, a large percentage may well have BPD but are unaware that it is even a condition, and that may lead to them being fearful of going to a doctor. As they do not fit the symptoms of other disorders, and thus may think they are mistaken in believing they need help.

Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar is frequently demonized in the media as one of the ‘crazy’ disorders (similar to Schizophrenia, the next paragraph). In reality, bipolar disorder causes the patient to experience intense and extreme mood swings, often between depression and mania. It can cause psychosis as well as sleeping disturbances, and, similarly to BPD, its cause is not 100%. It may be caused by genetics, external triggers, or a chemical imbalance. Generally it is treated with meds, intense therapies and lifestyle changes, in order to allow the patient to best handle their mood changes and maintain a stable life.

Schizophrenia

‘Schizo’, is a term regularly used to attack those suffering with this disorder. It is frequently demonized, and films like ‘Split’ show it’s severe and rare symptoms. In reality, schizophrenia, when treated correctly and supported adequately, is not dangerous. Its symptoms are:

• hallucinations
• delusions
• confusion
• psychosis
• changes in personality
• lack of concentration
• social awkwardness

And it is caused by genetics, pregnancy or birth complications, external triggers or drug misuse. Generally, it is treated with community mental health help, a care programme, detention, antipsychotics and CBT.

This disorder in particular is one which media needs to rework its perception of, rather than telling the public that sufferers are dangerous or a joke.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD, is often trivialized into hashtags or jokes about being tidy or orderly. It’s an insult to those who genuinely suffer with the disorder, when we put our desks in a tidy way and tag it on instagram with #OCD. In reality, those who battle OCD have to deal with obsession, fear, compulsive behaviour, anxiety and depression. As well as having to deal with their mental health being used for comedic effect.

Mental health + pre-existing condition = hell on earth

As someone who was, for a while, physically disabled, I can relate to the people I spoke to for this section. Having any pre-existing conditions can be a trigger, or a contributing factor to a mental health disorder. It can also exacerbate any condition.

For example, when I was in a wheelchair (long story, my leg fell off a little bit), I suddenly felt useless. I couldn’t even walk around a supermarket on my own, because using my crutches for that long hurt my arms. I remember going to school, and my class being upstairs, and having to stay in my classroom during break and lunchtime because that was easier than having to inconvenience anybody by venturing down the stairs. I remember when I was put back in the wheelchair in year nine, being accused of faking it. Being told I was lying, and that it was pathetic. And all of it got to me. Still does, in all honesty. Any time my leg hurts (or any other part of me) I feel like I’m lying, even when logically I know I’m not, because I can feel the pain. It’s this weird sense of anxiety that somebody is going to say something if I tell people it hurts.

Other people I spoke to described their issues. One man mentioned his speech impediment, and how it occasionally makes his mental health worse. One girl I spoke to described how her learning difficulty made her feel broken, useless and not good enough, which all added to her depression. Another person discussed their sight, and how their poor sight made them anxious in public. They have to wear very specific glasses, and they worry on a regular basis that people are laughing at them or giving them odd looks for it.

I know society is working on making our awareness regarding mental health better, and I know that we are slowly getting there. But I have yet to hear much about people with disabilities and how mental health effects them differently. So I thought it was worth bringing into the conversation.

Charities

There are a plethora of charities that aim to improve mental health services, but I will just name a few below, and link their websites for anyone who wants to help their cause, or requires their services.

• time to change, a charity aiming to end the stigma and discrimination around mental health: https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/
• mind, a charity to help people battle mental health: https://www.mind.org.uk/
• CALM, a charity aimed at stopping suicide in men: https://www.thecalmzone.net/
• YoungMinds, a charity aimed at young people: https://youngminds.org.uk/
• SANE, aimed at improving quality of life for those struggling: http://www.sane.org.uk/
• Samaritans: https://www.samaritans.org/

Education

Our education system is… well, flawed. To say the least. More on that another time. But when it comes to mental health, in the past, we haven’t taught people enough. When I was in secondary school, we did one session, if I remember correctly. Obviously, people who chose psychology at A-Level were taught more. But everybody else was left in the dark. I found out what most mental health issues were through overhearing adults discussing them and then taking it upon myself to research. And the internet is not always the most accurate place. Media twists things and demonizes or romanticizes elements of mental health in every post.

However, we are taking a step in the right direction; as of 25th February this year, a law was passed to teach children about self-care and mental health from primary school onwards. What effects this will have cannot be guessed, but we shall find out. It is definitely the right decision, and we can just hope that it helps fight this epidemic of mental health issues and suicide. I believe that if people were encouraged to seek help, or told more about the issues they were fighting, we would lose fewer people. From year seven through to year thirteen, 4 people in my life died as a result of their mental health, I spoke 3 friends down from it, and 5 different people I know attempted to end their lives. It has to get better. We have to tell people how they can get the help they need. Because it can’t get worse.

Media and Mental Health

The media is something that we all indulge in from time to time, even when we know exactly how biased it can be. When it comes to mental health – as I mentioned about Eating Disorders in my first post – media perpetuates the stigma surrounding it, as well as all the stereotypes that come with that stigma. This means that certain groups of people are made to feel like they aren’t allowed to struggle, particularly men and boys. Not only this, but media also links mental health to crime, even if the mental state of the criminal had nothing to do with the crime. Furthermore, it trivializes the disorders. For example, anorexia is spoken about so trivially in media that many people do not see how severe or intense a disorder it is, and thus do not take it seriously enough. This is what leads to the romanticized images that many people associate with such mental health issues. The disorders have been oversimplified, and that either results in them being depicted as dangerous (like schizophrenia often is), or ‘useful’, like anorexia. All of this is what, when combined, leads to the negative perception of those suffering with mental health. A perception that many charities, people, and programmes are fighting to change.

In order for society to change, we need the places we absorb our news and ideas from to change too. The world is not going to change to a better perception if all they see is the negatives.

So what is my point?

My point is, that mental health issues are more common than you may think. It’s okay not to be okay. And to have a mental health issue does not make you less than. One of the people I spoke to for this article said that their depression was hard, but that ultimately, ‘the bad shit makes you appreciate the good shit’. And I think, honestly, we should all remember that.

My other point, is that whilst we are all working our hardest to end the stigma, to educate those around us, it still isn’t enough. People are still being left out. When we talk about depression, we don’t consider that people with severe learning difficulties, people on the spectrum, people who are in assisted living, also struggle. When we talk about mental health, we often just talk about depression and anxiety – partly out of fear for the conditions that are considered more serious.

Mental health deserves a better discussion. Because those who struggle with it deserve better.

 

Body Positivity and the Implausible Task of Self Love

Trigger warning: in this post there will also be mentions of eating disorders, bullying, body dysphoria, racism and sexism.

It will also be quite long. Sorry.

My Journey

As a nineteen year old girl, I have numerous issues with my body that I fight with on a daily basis, and I have done for many years. It has become almost a stereotype now, that young girls across the globe have body confidence issues, that progress into low self-esteem, eating disorders and poor mental health. Whilst the stereotype of pretty blonde girls with protruding ribs is not the most accurate image to represent this epidemic of low body confidence amongst teens, the very fact that there is that stereotype is not necessarily a bad thing. Before you all yell at me, let me explain what I mean. If there was not this very prominent image, we would not be as aware and as ‘forward thinking’ as we as a society are slowly becoming. Young people – and older people alike – would have to continue suffering in silence.

This image is wrong, and it fails to represent boys, men, women, people of colour and different sized people who also struggle with their bodies. It fails to show people who struggle with things that aren’t weight; their height, their face, their skin colour, their build, their assigned sex.

Using myself as an example, that stereotype is not one I fit. Yes, I have body related issues. But I am far from that image. Let’s discuss.

I am a five foot eight girl, with size eight feet, a BMI of approximately 36, and a chest size that means I can only buy in shops like Bravissimo. In short: I am above average in every physical conceivable way. Books did not show me people who looked like me. Neither did movies. Or TV shows. Or comics. I could not understand why, at age 9, having a reading age of 16+ was good, but wearing 15-16 clothes, was bad.

At school, I was told I was fat. I was told that the boys could see my bra. And they could, because it was probably some ridiculous colour or lacy – this being the only type of bras that Ann Summers sell; Ann Summers being the only place a 14-year-old with 34G boobs could shop. I was ridiculed for having the same size feet as my male peers. At one point, I dated a boy shorter than me (because when you’re five foot seven at age 12, all boys are shorter than you) and both him and I were laughed at for it. I began to relate to terms like ‘Queen Kong’ from Miranda.

Even after that, as I got older, body issues evolved and grew with me. My chest was always a sore spot for them, I have a distinct memory of being in year eight, and running through the playground with my friends, only to come back into the school building and be told by someone (who happened to be the boy of my dreams at the time) that I ‘should wear a sports bra’. I went home that day and I asked my mum for one. We got one. It did, well, nothing. And so I began to hold my breasts when I ran. Sounds ridiculous, right? Looks even more so. Even to this day, when I run, it’s an inside joke among friends that I do so in a stupid way. And that’s fine, because I do, and whilst the words that caused it no longer cause the ache in my heart that they used to, it has become a habit more than anything. A habit that reminds me that I’m not quite normal. Another memory that is etched into my mind is being told that my ‘ass ran up to my tits’, meaning I had no ass because I had larger boobs. This may not seem the biggest deal, but surrounded by Nicki Minaj and Jennifer Lopez, it seemed like I was being told I was not enough. I had half the package. A message which contrasts the later issues. In recent years, comments about my body have been plentiful, to say the least. Be it being told in a friendly way that I have excellent ‘blowjob eyes’, or told in explicit detail how an old friend of mine lusted over me, how he would – and could – force me to have intercourse with him, how, because I was wearing a tank top with a plaid shirt over it, I was asking for comments like that. Or be it people online not wanting to know the girl behind the boobs. Not to mention the casual groping and comments of passersby, club goers and creepy old guys on Instagram.

So to battle all of that, I have tried so many things. I have tried skipping breakfast, skipping lunch, only eating dinner, shake diets, calorie counting, minimiser bras, squats, high neck clothing, low neck clothing, hell, I got tattoos to make myself like my body just that little bit more – which I’ll talk more about later. And yet? I woke up this morning and poked at my stomach wishing it would go away. I looked in the mirror in my bra, and wished they were just that little bit smaller. On the bus, I looked at my feet, in my Doc Martens, and the first word I thought of was ‘clown’. All of this, is how I think you all see me. How I think everyone sees me. Regardless of if they say it.

Fat.

Too tall.

Ridiculous.

Slutty.

I know that’s not true, but it doesn’t change how I feel. It doesn’t change the fact that I get anxious meeting new people now. Or that I feel weird eating around certain people. Or that when, at university, I lost nearly two stone and was genuinely more proud of that than actually getting into a university. My issues have led to a kind of social anxiety which shows itself in so many ways, the most ridiculous being that I hold my breath around strangers for fear of breathing too loud. Because loud breathing means I’m fat. And I am. But that shouldn’t mean I am worth any less to anyone, best of all myself. In the same way somebody underweight, or under the average height, or someone who fits all the averages, should not think of themselves as any less amazing and incredible for being the way they are. We should not feel uncomfortable shopping, or looking in full length mirrors, or catching a glimpse of our own reflection.

The rest of this post was contributed to by approximately twenty people online. It will explore the ways in which body issues and body confidence affects women and men differently. It will explore dysphoria and how it can affect confidence and the ability to love oneself. Hopefully, it’ll also delve slightly into why this is even a conversation people need to have, what in society and in media has led to this all, and why it is absolute rubbish.

Now where my boys at?

One of the reasons the stereotype I mentioned earlier does not work is it pretends that boys do not have issues. This happens far too often, and for a moment I would like talk not just about body confidence and self-love – but about mental health and just general problems. Boys are people. Men are people. They cannot be expected to uphold this steel heart and brain, they cannot be expected to live the same lives everybody else does, and not be allowed to ever falter. Boys cry too. Boys get anxious too. Men cry. Hell, my father cried at every Disney film we ever watched. And that is okay. That is normal. I should not have to write this.

As an aside, any boys or men who are feeling overwhelmed by their emotions and feel there is nowhere to go, please check out the charity CALM. And anyone who wishes to donate to said charity, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

Before writing this, I did my due diligence (and by that I mean research). What I found was that, just like I was, the boys (or men, but for the purpose of fitting the subtitle, I shall continue with the term boys) in my life felt pressure from a young age about their bodies. In different ways, and about different aspects, but nonetheless, they too had their fair share of body confidence fights.

The main pressures, it would appear, are media: both social and otherwise, sports, and other people. All giving different impressions of the ‘ideal man’. No doubt this can be very difficult for boys, as literally every person on this planet has a different interpretation of what the ideal man is.

Some guys I know are super into sports, for example, and watched them from a young age; this meant that, going into puberty, their idols, their vision of the ‘ideal man’, were peak athletes. So, when their 16-year-old bodies did not fit that, they began to feel self-conscious. The logical step of course, is then to ‘do something about it’ (something I was told whenever I complained about my size). However, one guy I spoke to mentioned the ‘below average’ feeling that comes with having a gut and being surrounded by muscle-bound men at the gym, and how he feels self conscious. Whilst we were talking, this man also spoke about his body weight fluctuating, and how it leads to him feeling guilty. Even though weight fluctuation is an entirely normal human trait. If you weigh yourself at the start and the end of the very same day, the likelihood is that you will have either lost, or more likely, gained a pound or so. He then explained that to try to combat all of these feelings of guilt and self-consciousness, he posts shirtless photos on social media as a form of motivation. I salute him for combatting these problems and endeavouring to love himself.

Similarly, I have friends who get told their issues are unimportant because they are underweight, and so their bodies are seen as ‘ideal’ or ‘the dream’, when actually, fighting to put weight on is just as hard as fighting to keep it off. Being slim also does not mean everything is easier, one guy said: ‘there’s a certain “look” you carry off when you’re a skinny guy. Either girls are into it or they are kind of repulsed by it’, and that he began to feel self-conscious when the other boys began to get muscles and he remained ‘skinny’. He also mentioned that other men seem more likely to threaten you when you’re ‘skinny’, and that it creates a whole ‘skinny dude v. meathead’ mentality. Boys on a whole get overlooked, but ‘skinny’ boys are a whole new level. They get told their issues are not valid, but also get told their bodies aren’t muscular enough. People tell them to ‘eat a burger’ and nobody bats an eyelid. But if you flippantly tell someone overweight to ‘go on a diet’, it is deemed outrageous or rude.

Another point that arose in my research was height, and boys feeling ‘too short’. People said they were conscious of their heights, and one guy spoke about how his height affects his dating life. A lot of people, both men and women, have a certain ‘type’, and in that type is an ideal height. Now obviously people are entitled to feel attraction towards whomever they want, but it does lead to people feeling insecure about the parts of themselves that don’t fit the majority’s checklists. Out of the people who mentioned their height as a sore point in their body confidence, somebody said that they managed to ‘get over’ this issue when they realised it was not something that they could change, and that they could control their own feelings. Including their feelings about themselves. This idea that we control our own emotions, and thus we should be able to control how we feel about ourselves is an intriguing one, and one that, for obvious reasons, would not work for everybody. However it is one that seemed to work for this particular person, who said they were now reasonably confident in their body. Something I wish we could all be. And something I’m glad that they are.

I mentioned earlier that social media was an external pressure several boys mentioned, and it is one that is the most ‘called out’ for causing body related mental health issues such as anorexia and bulimia. People post photos of themselves at the very best angles, in the very best lighting, and we soak those images up and pretend that those appearances – the tensed cores, the tanned biceps, the protein shake cleanses – are normal. We do the same with all media. Another form that was named and shamed in my research was advertisements for male grooming products; the first to come to mind being Old Spice. Whilst the advert for Old Spice is largely comical – or at least, if it is not intended to be, somebody in their marketing team made a misjudgment – it also features a very muscular man sat on the back of a horse, addressing the viewer and their partner. The tagline is ‘your man could smell like me’, but the hope is that women would associate the smell with the stereotypically attractive man and subsequently buy the spray. But I don’t need to explain to you how advertising work – sex sells, and we all know that. This advertisement, however harmless it may seem, propagates the same image as the sports and social media I mentioned. That there is an ideal man. And if you are not it, try harder. Other adverts are no better, with their man clad in suits, or the Calvin Klein adverts wherein the bulge in the crotch is scarily large (and I will return to penis size later in this post). They all cash in on this idea that men should be and look a certain way, in the hopes that people will buy their product to get there. It is a good technique, no doubt. And I’m sure it works for them. But it also causes men to have doubts about their own bodies, and that is something that needs to be discussed.

I mentioned that, when I was growing up, I was told things about my body by other people. Some of this, was through a fun technique called bullying. And luckily for you, bullies do not mind what gender you are! They’ll come at you regardless, how fun! This is proven by one boy I spoke to, who discussed how he was bullied for his weight growing up, and how it led to mental health issues and him feeling self-conscious around people during his teen years. Whilst he has conquered these struggles now, as have lots of the boys I spoke to, the topic can still occasionally be a sensitive one. Just because something was in the past, does not mean it doesn’t hurt anymore.

Just because some of the boys I spoke to have dealt with their issues, does not mean they never had them. It does not mean they won’t come back. It does not mean we shouldn’t talk about them. About boys bodies in general. About how they don’t need to be the ideal man. Because there isn’t an ideal man.

Boys, be your own ideal man.

All together now, ladies.

Ladies, we are at the forefront of this battle against our bodies. It is us who get plastered on eating disorder campaigns, and yet it is also us who are force-fed a steady diet of diet plans. Our social media timelines are covered in girls who ‘lost 5 stone and met the man of my dreams!!!’, or ‘did this one juice cleanse and it changed my life’, or just girls who know how to take a well shot photo, to cover the bits of themselves they feel badly about. We see all of this, and we absorb it. We absorb the notion that we aren’t good enough. And, for the rest our lives, we remind ourselves of that fact every day. Every photo – not good enough. Every reflection – not good enough.

It doesn’t help that other people chime in too. Other women, men, companies, everyone has something to say about a body that is not theirs. Whether it is sexualising you because you grew boobs – what a shocker.  Or commenting that your hair is too short. You wear too much makeup. You’re ‘thicc’.

Speaking of, what is the difference between being ‘thicc’, fat, or a BBW (#tbt)? And why, if we are any one of those, are we seen not as just generally beautiful, but as more of a fetish? Why do you have to be ‘into thicc girls’? Why does the ‘thicc’ matter?

All of this stuff is what led to my issues. And possibly what contributed to some of the issues the girls I spoke to have. Between this, peers, and their own mentalities, it is no surprise that all the girls I spoke to had something to say on this topic. When I was having these conversations, I found myself relating to several aspects in each girls story. Some of the girls I spoke to said they first felt self-conscious as young as six or eight, when they realised they were taller, bigger than their peers. But it wasn’t necessarily that realisation which kickstarted their lack of body confidence. It was more the judgement that came from their peers when they began to notice it too.

One girl mentioned that they became self-conscious when they learnt about healthy living in school. Suddenly kids, including themselves, made the connection between unhealthy and ‘fat’. Then she began to notice it more and more, and realised that the message media was giving her was that in order to get a boyfriend, you had to be skinny. And of course, as a young girl, a boyfriend was the first step on the ladder to being cool, to being successful.

All of the girls I spoke to said they felt self-conscious before the age of thirteen. All of them became aware and anxious about their appearances before they were even teenagers. For some of them, it was because they had an hourglass figure, a gut, or large breasts, some were tall, some were chubby, or too short. To think these things, as young as six years old, has an impact on you for the rest of your life. Most of these girls still struggle today, be it with their weight, or just general appearance.

All of these women seemed united on the fact that the topic of body positivity is not a sensitive one, however several of them said their own personal self-love and self-confidence is not a topic they feel comfortable talking about, even with those in their lives they are closest to. I know that, personally, talking about my body is not something I relish in. Either somebody will misinterpret my hatred for my stomach as a disorder that needs to be worried about, or I will be told: ‘no no, you’re not fat. You’re beautiful’. As if I can’t be both. I hear it all the time, and no doubt these girls do too. Any issues you have, any issues you voice, you’re told they don’t exist, and that you’re beautiful. This just perpetuates the idea that those flaws you do see, that you do have, cannot be and are not beautiful. That you, therefore, cannot be, and are not, beautiful. But every single woman I spoke to for this project, I want you to know that you are beautiful, regardless of what you see. We all are. And we, as women, need to keep reminding ourselves and each other of this.

Our fear of talking about our own self-love allows this one-sided dialogue to continue, wherein people comment on our bodies and we absorb those comments and never show the damage they do, or stand up against them. This is no different from the boys who get silenced for whatever reasons, or people who are ignored because they’re part of the LGBT spectrum, which is our next topic.

Body positivity is currently an unbalanced conversation. The media either tells us we are wrong, or that we are beautiful. It tells us how we should be, or how we should fight for body positivity. But it does not listen. It does not hear the struggles we have, nor does it appreciate the difficulty of fighting for body positivity when many people cannot learn to love themselves.

Dysphoria – not to be confused with Dystopia

As a cis woman, dysphoria is not a topic I felt too comfortable writing about, but I knew it had to be featured in this post. So I contacted a few of my friends who had experienced the feeling, and asked them how dysphoria affected or affects them and their daily lives, because another concept the dialogue on body confidence tends to ignore are people who have dysphoric feelings about the body they were born into. Transgender people, or genderqueer people, or anyone who does not wholly identify as their assigned sex have issues related to self-love and body confidence that I cannot begin to imagine.

One of my friends mentioned that, whilst dysphoria is different for each person, he would describe there being two types: social and physical. Physical dysphoria being the consequences of being in the body of a sex that does not match the gender they are. For example, being ftm, he often fought with problems regarding wider hips, or a chest that was not flat enough. These are all issues that were eased slightly by him coming out, because it meant that he had support and the facilities to cover or hide these aspects of his body. Alternatively, he described social dysphoria as society’s ability to recognise him as a man. The example he used was going into a shop before being on hormones, and being called ‘Miss’. Or, before coming out, wanting short hair and the hairdressers endeavouring to feminise the hairstyle. Whilst these issues are less of an issue to him at this stage in his life, he said he was unsure if he would ever truly love his body, as it is not the body of a cis man, regardless of his transition. The fact that he may never be able to fully accept his body is awful, and he should be given all the support he needs to get as close to loving himself as he can. As should every person in situations like his. Support for those with issues as deep as gender dysphoria needs to be focused on.

On the other hand, a friend who I believe goes by ze/zir, who also spoke to me about dysphoria and just general discomfort with their body image. They mentioned the first time they felt uncomfortable in their body being at a young age in a skirt, being told they had curves, and should wear skirts more often to show the curves off. They said it was the first time in their life it was suggested that they should ‘utilise’ their bodies for other people’s pleasure. They then spoke about feeling dysphoric, and how it used to affect them. That they would wear layers even in the peak of summer, and would wear predominantly looser garments. But that they realised that their dysphoria was largely based in their environment; they were given a lot of expectations about how they should look, the way their body should be and how they should show it, and it pushed them further into dysphoria. They haven’t gone swimming in years despite it being something they thoroughly enjoy, as they know the way the clothes will sit against their skin will make them uncomfortable.

Just like my other friend, when they were able to get support and ‘medical backup’, as well as the freedom to find their own style, the dysphoria lessened. As a genderqueer person, they now feel dysphoria on the other side of the spectrum – the hair their body grows can sometimes make them uncomfortable, even though it was what they had wished for when they were younger. However, luckily, they now feel comfortable enough to wear tight jeans to show off their thighs and curves because ‘the discomfort that was there is displaced by the rest of [their] silhouette’. And, whilst they still feel pressure from media and advertising, they are, on a whole, more comfortable now, in their twenties. Even regarding just general body confidence. We spoke about body confidence in their life now, and how they feel they have to test their outfits to make sure they are comfortable in them, or to make sure that they are comfortable in just the bottom layer if it gets hot – as it is beginning to do. Whilst these may seem like small details of a day-to-day life, it is still a struggle for them. In terms of speaking about all of this, they said they were more than happy to share, in the hopes that it can make other people feel less alone. Their general improvement and confidence with their body now, they put down to a support network in the form of their spouse. A good support system is a necessity for people struggling with any issues as deep as dysphoria, and I am glad that they have found theirs.

Support the people in your life. Not only the people who need it like my friends mentioned here. But all of them. The women, the men, the children, and everyone in between. The first step towards all of us loving ourselves that little bit more, is loving each other.

Diversity and representation

Diversity and representation are both key topics in the media at the moment. People of all backgrounds, races, religions, sexualities and sizes want representation. And rightly so. How can we be expected to love ourselves if Hollywood doesn’t? If all we ever see is one type of girl and one type of boy marrying on-screen, how can we be expected to be happy with ourselves if we don’t fit that? If all we ever see are white men as scientists, how can we expect young girls to want to delve into science like Katie Bouman?

Not to talk about myself again, but, I’m going to talk about myself again. I wear a 36HH size bra, size 16 trousers and a size 18 top (in UK sizes). I have seen someone with similar sizes to me on TV once or twice. And that was Rachel Bloom in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and Miranda Hart in Miranda. Aside from those two wonderful ladies, it would appear that double H cups don’t exist in Hollywood. I’m not saying that I want every actress to have double H size boobs, because that wouldn’t be accurate either. In the same way plus sized people don’t want every actor and actress to be plus sized. And anyone who isn’t white doesn’t want everyone to be Asian or Latinx.

But, in a world where we are multicultural, we are all different sizes, shapes, colours, heights, genders, etc. It would make sense that our media reflects that. Some attempts are made, don’t get me wrong, and I will discuss those in just a moment. Not all of them are good, however, and bad representation is just as pointless as no representation – if not worse.

Good representation of diverse bodies

So, in order to be good representation, it has to be accurate. It cannot have one token character of whatever body type/race for the sake of ticking a diversity box, and it cannot only have the diverse character solely for comedic relief.

In terms of representation for women of different sizes, shapes and colours, we have: (not an exhaustive list, but a list that took a while to come up with) 

• Orange is The New Black: a show featuring women of several races, body types and styles. It openly shows every woman as who she is, and is not afraid of nudity in doing so. This show also features Laverne Cox, who, really, deserves her own bullet point in terms of representing trans women.
• Rachel Bloom and Crazy Ex Girlfriend: whilst the protagonist of the show is more my body type, the shows diversity does not stop there. The best friend, Paula (played by Donna Lynne Champlin) is a mother, and is shown as exactly that. Then there are characters such as Valencia and Heather, played by Gabrielle Luiz and Vella Lovell respectively. These two lovely ladies fit the more societal norm in terms of body types, but Vella is of African descent and what may be considered as tall for a woman. Similarly, Gabrielle is of Latinx descent. The show clearly does not fear diversity in its stars, and it is one of the reasons it did so well. It allowed people to identify and see themselves on-screen.
• One Day at a Time: a show following a Latinx family, which directly adresses the racial issues in society and how the daughter, Elena ‘passes’ for white.
• Actresses such as Mindy Kaling and Rebel Wilson, who do not fit the stereotype of Hollywood beauty, proving that the stereotype is complete rubbish.
• Isn’t It Romantic?: a film out this year on Netflix, which shows Rebel Wilson playing a girl who, because of her body, does not believe men will be interested in her. When suddenly she wakes up in a romantic comedy, and finds all the attention on her, she goes through a spiritual awakening.
• Captain Marvel, a badass woman who was a pilot when she was not allowed to be, and who is not sexualised by her film at all.

Now, all of these examples have girls who are short, or tall, chubby, or not white. If I were to add in examples that represent women who are the global averages or media’s favourite body types (sizes 8-12, 5’2 – 5’4, and white), the list would be much longer. Whilst these women deserve representation just as much as everybody else, they, generally, get it more than the types of women in my examples. Similarly, with men who are shown more often in media, their representation is more common, and for the purposes of this post will be left unlisted. This is not to say that their representation isn’t important, everyone’s is.

Of course, men need their fair share of good representation too, and here’s the list of good examples for that purpose:

• Spiderman: Into The Spiderverse: a film based around a young Latinx boy, Miles Morales. Also features a muscle-bound stereotypical hero, and various other characters who do not fit the usual superhero style.
• Black Panther: a film about a black king who happens to also be a superhero? The best.
• Comedians like Kevin Hart, who not only are not white, but also below the average height
• Actors like Robert Downey Jr., for similar reasons to Kevin Hart
• Celebrities such as Zak Galifinakas and Seth Rogan
• Isn’t It Romantic?: rather than the usual trope of the tall, muscular playboy getting the girl, instead it is the best friend, who looks like – well, every normal guy.

Bad representation

Bad representation is, well, the opposite of what I described good representation as. It’s seen with characters like Fat Amy in Pitch Perfect, who are there for comedic effect. Or in the hiring of cis actors for trans roles, or in the perpetual whitewashing of every story ever in Hollywood. I’m looking at you, Scarlett Johansson. But even phrases like ‘plus size models’ count as bad representation. If you’re going to label anyone above a size 12 as plus size, we’re going to have an issue, because that’s the average female size in the West.

I’m not going to write reams and reams on why bad representation needs to stop, or where you can find it, because more often than not, the answer is anywhere. Even in my favourite films, it’s there. Hitch? Muscular tall guy gets pretty and slim girl, chubby sidekick needs help finding love. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? The only girl in the film is Megan Fox. Don’t get me wrong, she’s gorgeous, but she fits the Hollywood Stereotype. And also, is highly sexualised by Michelangelo throughout the film. But anyway, my point is clear.

Stop misrepresenting people. Now. Please?

We’re going through changes

Another fight I want to have with the media, is their constant need to change their ideals. One month, skinny white girls with a thigh gap are in fashion. Next? Thicc girls with an hourglass figure but perfectly toned stomachs? What next? And it is not just girls. Boys bodies are treated like fashion trends too. Skinny boys, then e-boys (what even is an e-boy?), then ‘dad-bods’. It’s all too much. We’re people. Not items of clothing, not fashion trends.

Sex sells

I told you I’d come back to the sexy stuff.

This is the last thing I want to discuss, I promise. Well, ish.

So sexualisation exists and that’s probably not going anywhere. Despite our best efforts and our fights against rape culture, all we can do is make sure that sexualisation is less damaging that in has been in the past.

As I spoke about earlier, I was sexualised from the second I grew breasts. As were many of the girls I spoke to.  Alternatively, some of them were told their worth was limited because they had yet to grow breasts. I distinctly remember growing up and the boys talking about girls with ‘double Ds’ and ‘dat ass’. Whilst finding other people attractive is entirely normal, sexualised bodies being everywhere we look, is not. For example, in advertisements for women’s razors, why are their legs already hairless? In men’s underwear adverts, why are they all muscular and tanned? Can skinny white boys not wear Calvin Kleins? If not, Calvin Klein, you’ve got some issues, because I sure as hell know plenty of skinny white guys wearing your brand. In America, it is always on social media that girls have been sent home for ‘violating dress code’ because a bra strap is out. If you find a 13-year-old girl’s bra strap sexy, you are the problem.

And all of this may seem like it has nothing to do with self-love. But between the casual sexualisation of our bodies from a young age, and medias portrayal of the ideal person, as well as the bodies shown in pornography, sexualisation and self love are undoubtedly linked.

Just an aside, or ad lib, or whatever you want to call it: there was at one point a post online that compared two magazines with Hugh Jackman on the front. A magazine aimed at men had him with his muscles tensed, looking angry. This is their idea of the ideal man. The one aimed at women had him in a nice knit sweater looking cosy and happy. Their idea of the ideal man. We hyper-sexualise people even when it does not actually reflect the wants and needs of the public. 

In a poll I did on my instagram, 72% of people said the body types shown in pornography made them self-conscious. And if we take into consideration that when I asked people, many people started watching pornography to some extent from the ages of 13, we are feeding their self hate. Pornography, sexualised adverts (hello Old Spice) and media all compile their images and seem to show us an ideal person that is impossible to be. Not only that, but they tell us that is what is normal, when in reality, it is far from. For example, in porn, most of the women finish first, loudly, and from penetration. That is not necessarily the case at all. Similarly, the men all have giant penises that get hard straight away and none of them struggle in reaching climax or pleasing their girl. Again, lies.

All of it is lies.

And lies are where most of our body issues come from. Lies to ourselves. Lies from the media. Lies from other people.

If we all started being honest, and loving each other, the world would be slightly less self-conscious. Or at least, I’d like to think so.

In the spirit of honesty…

I found some fun statistics online, about America, as their stats are similar to Britain’s, and also there’s a bigger sample size. They reflect the true averages of body shapes, sizes, and colours.

Average male height: 5’10

Average male shoe size: 10.5 (10 in UK sizes)

Average female height: 5’4

Average female shoe size: 8.5 (6 in UK)

Global percentages:

• Obese men: 10.8% (measured by a BMI of 30+)
• Underweight men: 8.8% (measured by a BMI of less than 18.5)
• Obese women: 14.9% (measured by a BMI of 30+)
• Underweight women: 9.7% (measured by a BMI of less than 18.5)

Now, my first point about these stats is: BMI is bullshit. It’s complete crap and I was told this by every science teacher that every taught us healthy living. My second point, is BMI doesn’t seem to take into consideration that women, generally, have breasts. Said breasts, weigh things. Said weights, cannot be helped. So why is our obesity marker the same as a mans?

My final point

My final point about, well, all of this, is we as a society, hate ourselves. We’re told not to, by people with publishing deals that also hate themselves. Even when we find methods to hate ourselves less, or have confidence, they’re not bulletproof. Everyone has bad days. However, we can help each other. Through support, and honesty, and opening the dialogue surrounding body, gender and race.

This year, I set myself the Implausible Task of Self Love. I originally thought that meant losing more weight. Then I realised that maybe it does mean losing a little, or toning certain bits of myself up. But in general, it involves getting to know my mind as much as I know my body, the flaws, the imperfections. And being honest with myself, and other people about things like confidence. It means accepting that just because I don’t fit the Hollywood Stereotype, doesn’t mean anything. I still deserve to be successful, to be happy, and to love myself.

Just like all of you do, too.

 

 

Thank you for reading, sorry it was so long. And if you have any issues with anything I wrote re: representation or poor examples or wording, email me at writininbrighton@gmail.com and we’ll discuss! I’m always down to learn more, and if I have worded something poorly, I apologise profusely. 

And finally, thank you to everyone who spoke to me for this article.

 

Monsters In The Streets

My entire life, as a young girl, I’ve been told not to walk alone in the dark. Meanwhile, my male peers can freely roam the streets at ungodly hours with no reprimand. That is, of course, not to say that men are not also in danger in such situations – but merely they are less pumped full of fear from a young age.

Children often struggle with a fear of the dark (or as many would say, rather, a fear of what’s hiding in the dark), they claim there are monsters in their wardrobes; creatures of the night lurking outside their bedroom windows. We tell them it’s all nonsense, there are no monsters. And yet, simultaneously we tell little girls that they shouldn’t be out past sunset alone, because if they are, they might get hurt. The reality is, that there are monsters. Maybe not in our wardrobes, but lurking in the dark alley behind your house, or the underpass on your walk home. These people have no respect for anyone but themselves, and they are the reason that I carry my keys between my fingers when I walk from the bus stop to my flat. They are the reason that for 3 weeks I had a flatmate meet me from the bus whenever I finished work. The reason that ‘text me when you get home safe’ is a standard send off between my friends and I – even those who live 2 minutes away.

More people than you think, both female and male, have encountered monsters in their lives. Be it they were followed home, they were watched from afar, or they were attacked. And everyone, particularly girls, are taught from a young age how to avoid this.

‘don’t wear anything too revealing’

’20 things rapists look for, an article.’

‘make sure someone walks you home’

‘pretend to be on the phone’

‘hold your keys’

‘buy a rape alarm’

‘carry a weapon’

‘wear flats’

Even those who have been attacked, like someone very close to me recently, push this message. When this person was attacked, she reiterated this defensive behaviour to me, in order to look out for my own safety. And I appreciate the message, and even further, I appreciate that she is safe and brave for talking about what happened. But why do we teach people how to avoid being attacked, and yet we don’t teach people not to attack? Why do we keep letting people blame themselves?

I have never been told and have never heard of anyone else being told ‘don’t jump the girl on her way home’, or ‘don’t take a short skirt as “asking for it”’. Honestly, defensive methods will only take us so far. More needs to be done to tackle this problem, because I want the children after me to feel safe walking from the local shop at 4.45pm in the winter.

I want to feel safe walking from the bus stop.

Writer’s block

Writer’s block // slang term: the condition of being unable to think of what to write or how to proceed with writing

Anyone who has ever endeavored to bless the world with their thoughts in the form of eloquent fiction, prose or poetry, is familiar with the term used above. It’s that overwhelming feeling of an empty brain when faced with a blank document, or blank page in a notebook. To me, it is akin to stage fright. My palms perspire, my heart rate rockets, and the fear of failure becomes all consuming. All I want is for the tumbleweeds rolling through my mind to dissolve, and for the seeds of ideas I have to begin to grow and blossom into something that even slightly resembles a coherent thought.

It is because of this perpetual predicament that I have tried so many times to start a blog. In fact, I think I have more failed WordPress blogs than I do favourite books (and as an English student, that is a disturbingly high number). I would like to say this one will not fail, and for the next three years, as I study for me degree, I will consistently stick to a schedule and post on a regular basis. However, this is not an ideal world, and I have no way of knowing that for sure. But I will try.

I’m not wholly sure what will feature here, anything from photos of notes, to book reviews, to small pieces of writing, perhaps even personal pieces from time to time. Whatever can push its way past the terrifying gates of my writer’s block.

See you around, I guess!